Most men rarely hear a genuine compliment. Research on complimentary language and gender has consistently shown that compliments between men make up as little as 9% of all compliments exchanged in everyday conversation, while women receive roughly three-quarters of them.
A 2020 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin by researchers Erica Boothby and Vanessa Bohns found that people consistently underestimate how positively their compliments land. Across five experiments, compliment givers overestimated how awkward the recipient would feel and underestimated how good the compliment would actually make them feel. You are probably holding back compliments that would genuinely brighten someone’s day.
Here is what the research tells us actually works.
- Men receive far fewer compliments than women. Compliments between men account for just 9% of all compliments exchanged.
- Nearly 1 in 4 people (24%) cannot recall ever receiving a compliment. Among men, the gap is even wider.
- 4% of people admit they have never given a compliment to anyone.
- Women receive roughly three-quarters of all compliments in everyday conversation.
- Neuroscience confirms that compliments activate the same brain reward centers as money.
- A 2020 study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (Boothby & Bohns) found that people consistently underestimate how positively their compliments land and overestimate how awkward the recipient will feel.
- The best compliments for guys are specific, sincere, and focus on personality, effort, or appearance.
Why Compliments Hit Differently for Men
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Men and women process praise through the same neural reward systems. Neuroscience research has demonstrated that receiving a compliment activates the ventral striatum, the same brain region that responds to monetary rewards. An fMRI study on romantic couples published in Frontiers in Psychology found that both giving and receiving compliments activated brain areas tied to empathy and reward processing. Choosing a compliment to give a partner triggered the dopamine-rich ventral striatum, meaning even the act of giving praise is neurologically rewarding.
But because men receive compliments so infrequently, each one carries more weight.
Linguistic research from Holmes (1995) showed that women compliment other women far more often than they compliment men. When men do receive a compliment, they tend to remember it for weeks or even years, precisely because the experience is rare.
That scarcity also means men can be caught off guard. Some will deflect or change the subject. That is not rejection. It is unfamiliarity.
How to Compliment a Guy on His Looks
Appearance-based compliments are common between women but surprisingly rare when directed at men. Research from Rees-Miller (2011) found that women mostly receive comments about their appearance, while men primarily receive compliments about skills and abilities.
That imbalance means a well-placed appearance compliment stands out. The key is specificity. Instead of “you look nice,” try something that shows you actually noticed: his haircut, the way a jacket fits, or the fact that he looks well-rested. Specific observations feel genuine. Vague ones feel like filler.
If you want to compliment a guy on his looks over text, keep it casual and direct. “That photo is really good, you look great in it” works because it is low-pressure but personal.
How to Compliment a Guy on His Looks Without Flirting
Context and tone do the heavy lifting here. A compliment delivered in a matter-of-fact way reads differently than one delivered with lingering eye contact.
Framing matters too: “that color looks great on you” is a style observation, not a flirtation. If you want to keep things platonic, compliment what he chose (his outfit, his grooming) rather than his physical features directly.
How to Compliment a Guy on His Personality
Personality-based compliments tend to be the ones men remember longest.
Research from the Sacred Heart University psychology department explored the psychology of giving and receiving compliments and found that compliments tied to character traits had deeper emotional resonance than surface-level praise.
This tracks with compliance research too. A study by Grant, Fabrigar, and Lim published in Basic and Applied Social Psychology found that compliments increased positive feelings and cooperation beyond simple liking. Compliments activate what psychologists call the reciprocity norm, creating a natural cycle of mutual appreciation.
When complimenting a guy’s personality, get specific about what you have actually observed. “You are really good at making people feel comfortable” hits harder than “you’re a nice guy.” The first one tells him you have been paying attention. The second one tells him nothing he has not heard before.
Other examples that work: acknowledging his patience during a stressful situation, pointing out how thoughtful he is when he remembers small details, or telling him that his sense of humor genuinely makes your day better.
Looking for the right person to appreciate? Explore our best dating sites to find someone who values real connection.
How to Compliment a Guy Over Text
Texting strips away tone, body language, and facial expressions, so your words have to do all the work. A study published in Frontiers in Psychology on sincere praise found that reliable, authentic compliments activated the brain’s reward centers more strongly than flattery. The brain can tell the difference between genuine and generic.
Over text, keep it honest and brief. “I was just thinking about what you said yesterday and it really stuck with me” is more powerful than a string of fire emojis. A compliment that connects to a shared experience always outperforms one that could have been copied from a template.
Compliments That Actually Land: Quick Reference
On his effort: “I can tell you put a lot of work into this. It shows.”
On his mind: “The way you broke that down made it click for me instantly.”
On his presence: “People relax when you walk into a room. That is a real thing.”
On his style: “That jacket is a great choice. It fits you perfectly.”
On his growth: “You have changed a lot this year. In a really good way.”
The common thread is specificity and sincerity. Research on compliments and well-being consistently shows that the most impactful compliments are ones that reflect genuine observation, not obligation.
Why You Should Compliment Men More Often
There is a practical reason beyond just being kind. Compliments build stronger relationships. The fMRI research on couples showed that positive verbal exchanges activate reward and empathy networks in both partners simultaneously.
Over time, that creates a reinforcing loop: the more genuine appreciation you express, the more connected both people feel.
Men often will not ask for compliments. Many have been socialized to associate receiving praise with discomfort. But the science is clear: compliments function as social rewards that strengthen bonds and encourage prosocial behavior.
The compliment you think is too small to matter is probably the one he will remember for the next six months.
So give it. Be specific. Be sincere. And do not overthink it.
Sources:
- Boothby, E. J., & Bohns, V. K. (2020). Why a Simple Act of Kindness Is Not as Simple as It Seems. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32856538/
- Warth, M. et al. (2023). Neural responses to instructed positive couple interaction: an fMRI study on compliment sharing. Frontiers in Psychology. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9976881/
- Yoshida, K. et al. (2023). Sincere praise and flattery: reward value and association with the praise-seeking trait. Frontiers in Psychology. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9974641/
- Grant, N. K., Fabrigar, L. R., & Lim, H. (2010). Exploring the Efficacy of Compliments as a Tactic for Securing Compliance. Basic and Applied Social Psychology. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/247808549_Exploring_the_Efficacy_of_Compliments_as_a_Tactic_for_Securing_Compliance
- Weaver, M., Schaefer, L., Bedosky, R., & Kalafatis, A. (2018). The Psychology of Giving and Receiving Compliments. Sacred Heart University Academic Festival. https://digitalcommons.sacredheart.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1186&context=acadfest
- Holmes, J. (1995). Women, Men and Politeness. Longman.
- Rees-Miller, J. (2011). Compliments revisited: Contemporary compliments and gender. Journal of Pragmatics. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378216611001330
- YouGov/Soreen Survey (2023). Nearly a quarter of Brits have never received a compliment. https://pressreleases.responsesource.com/news/104483/new-research-reveals-a-quarter-of-brits-have-never-received/
- American Psychological Association – Reciprocity Norm. https://www.apa.org/topics/personality/reciprocity-norm