Stonewalling is shutting down and refusing to communicate during a conflict, going silent or withdrawing instead of engaging.
Stonewalling is when one person closes off during conflict, refusing to talk, respond, or engage. They become like a stone wall, silent and unreachable.
What Stonewalling Looks Like
- Going silent or giving one word answers.
- Walking away or leaving the room mid conversation.
- Ignoring the other person or pretending to be busy.
- Refusing to discuss the issue at all.
Why It Is Harmful
Relationship researcher John Gottman lists stonewalling among the patterns most damaging to relationships, because it leaves conflict unresolved and the other partner feeling shut out.
Stonewalling vs. Taking Space
Asking for a short break to calm down is healthy. Stonewalling is different because it is a wall with no plan to return to the conversation. The healthier move is to say you need a pause and name when you will come back to talk.